Merry Christmas

    What Christmas feels like to me is the chill of the night air while sitting in the snow as tiny flakes fall down and cover my hair and coat and sprinkle ever so softly on my face. What Christmas looks like to me is watching the life size nativity scene come to life in my imagination while belting out my best rendition on "Oh Holy Night" What Christmas sounds like to me is the sound of my voice echoing off of the frozen landscape and bouncing back through the crisp pure silent night. What Christmas means to me is more that I can begin to put into words.  The only son of God coming to earth to live and to die so that I may live. 

Those scenes are of course memories from when I was growing up. But it is still hard for me to see this time of year as Christmas while spending it in such a different place.

    What Christmas feels like to me tonight is the slight chill in the air after it cooled from a balmy 70 degree day. What Christmas looks like to me is watching the palm trees lit up by pool lights stand out against a sky with no stars.  What Christmas sounds like to me is the sound of car alarms and crying kids outside my apartment building. . What Christmas means to me is more that I can begin to put into words. The only son of God coming to earth to live and to die so that I may live. 

   

    Even you southern Californians have to admit that a snow white peaceful Christmas manger scene evokes  more holiday emotions than the blaring car alarms do. But I do realize one thing, no matter where I am or how I am spending my Christmas one thing is still the same. What Christmas means to me is more that I can begin to put into words.  The only son of God coming to earth to live and to die so that I may live. 

Its really the important part.

    So maybe there is no snow, or nativity scene. No cold chill, or extended family crowded around a dinner table. But there is still the reason for the season after all. Have you ever noticed that even after opening all the presents and getting everything you wanted you still  have that feeling of "is that it? All the hustle and bustle and running around and its done?" No matter how much we run, how far we travel, or what the weather is like outside, there is one thing that will never change. Because he was, he is, and he will be.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning.  Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind.  The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. The true light that gives light to everyone was coming into the world. He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him.  Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. "

So set aside the running around. Be content without any snow. Let the food grow cold as you remember the reason for the celebration. And join me in wonder.

O Holy Night! The stars are brightly shining, It is the night of the dear Savior's birth.

Long lay the world in sin and error pining. Till He appeared and the Spirit felt its worth.

A thrill of hope the weary world rejoices, For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angel voices! O night divine, the night when Christ was born; O night, O Holy Night , O night divine! O night, O Holy Night , O night divine!

Merry CHRISTmas. Wherever you are tonight.

My Biggest Pet Peeve with Military Wives and Significant Others

I didn't write this post but I found it to be worth sharing! Keep this in mind no matter what your life situation. There is not need to one up on someones troubles. Just be there to support and encourage them! My Biggest Pet Peeve with Military Wives and Significant Others

Dear Jesus, I hope you have a plan because mine just go tossed out the window!

  "It is amazing how when God wants you to do something he always manages to find a way for you to do it. Even if it takes years. But maybe that is the point. Because I am not always ready to hear what he has to say to me.

   In 2006 I went on a mission trip to Louisiana to help with hurricane Katrina clean up. On that trip I met an amazing woman by the name of Tara...she inspired me as few people have and to this day is still on my list of heroes. Her faith and devotion to God and to doing as he asked of her made a 16 year old me rethink a lot of how I planned my life. She recommended to me that I buy a book called "Under The Overpass by Mike Yankoski, about a collage student who lives on the street for a summer to find out what it was like to truly rely on God for everything. Of course when I got home I immediately ordered the book, but sadly like most mountain top mission trips end, I got back home and life distracted me. That book sat on my shelf for a couple of years. I put it off up until a few months ago I began to read a little each night. It was during one such reading session that I found God speaking directly to me through pages 98-99.

    "When you get to the bottom-when getting rained on is a welcome solution to getting buried in the muck- there is a immense contentment in letting go of comfort. 'Don't worry about tomorrow.' Just be thankful for the now. Cozy up to that tree root. Let it rain." ~Mike Yankoski

   I had just found out Chase was deploying again. Tears, hugs, long walks, or hot showers, non of there things were making me feel better. I sat on my bed and picked up my book, more out of habit when anything else. "DON'T WORRY ABOUT TOMORROW. JUST BE THANKFUL FOR THE NOW."

   Jesus' principle from Matthew has never hit me harder.

  “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.""

   I wrote that first half of this blog post a few months ago. Tonight as I ran through a downpour of rain with my emotions choking the back of my throat I thought of it again. I found it saved to my laptop, something that at the time meant something to me but I wasn't ready to share. Why I feel the need to share it now I do not know. I do know though that I needed this reminder tonight. Maybe you did too.

   There have been a few times in my life when I have felt God asking me what I was willing to give Him. If I was willing to give Him those that I held the most dear and the plans that I had made. He has asked me if I am willing to be faithful to Him in these things and reminded me that He is the one that provides, plans, and knows just what I need.

   It doesn't seem fair sometimes. I made plans, I had ideas, I, I, I. But God didn't create this world for me. He created me for Himself. To praise, glorify, love, respect, fear, obey, and trust Him.

The rain is pouring down outside my window, but still I believe that my eyes could give the clouds a run for their money in the moisture creating department. The rain, and the tears, tonight though are different. Because with every drop that falls, I learn to let go.

   Because "When you get to the bottom-when getting rained on is a welcome solution to getting buried in the muck- there is a immense contentment in letting go of comfort. 'Don't worry about tomorrow.' Just be thankful for the now. Cozy up to that tree root. Let it rain." ~Mike Yankoski

   Thank you God for reminding me that you are the one who holds my today and my tomorrow in your hand. All of my plans might go array, but yours never will. 

Exercise in Obedience

Hebrews 12:1-3

 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.  Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

I hate exercise. More than anything else. Give me the choice to scrub my house (and yours too) top to bottom with pure bleach or to run 1 mile. I would pick the bleach. Every single day. In fact my favorite thing to do is curl up on the couch with a new book and not move all day. God has blessed me with many such days this past year. I have been given the time to adjust to a new lifestyle (while free of stress) and to a new home. We have made it to just over a year of living together (YAY)! And God blessed us with the financial security and the lessons to manage our money wisely this past year so that I have not had to work. Being able to focus on our marriage and on being a good little housewife has been everything I wanted. But God works in ways that we do not expect. He gave me my time off..and then he reminded me that I am not on the earth to have a clean house or to read a good book.

In church a little over a month ago I was challenged by the sermon that spoke of our temporary home and our tents that we live in. 2 Corinthians 5:1 "For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands." Pastor Chris talked about how silly it would be for us to hold onto those tents when we have a home to get to. And more so he challenged me with the fact that once you are set to get to heaven (through salvation) that is not the end. The idea is to not end up there alone. What was I doing with my life? Who was I reaching everyday? Who's life was being touched by Christ because I talked to them? I was sadly hit by the idea that I went days with seeing no one but my husband. With reaching no one. With the fact that I didn't want to face God some day and tell him that I didn't reach anyone for him, but I had a clean house and had read a good book! 

I jumped at the opportunity to volunteer in my church on Monday mornings cleaning in the kitchen after the weekend services. It takes 2 and 1/2 hours a week and it helped me feel like I was serving and helping. I then was presented with the idea to lead my growth group (bible study) this year.  Thursday nights plus a few extra hours for prep. I can add that. They needed helpers with the 2 year olds on Sunday mornings. I love kids, ok I will do it. It wasn't enough for me though. I needed something to do! Someway to meet people to serve them, to make there lives easier. And hey why not make it a job? So I joined the Pampered Chef as a Independent Consultant.  I can meet people, get out of the house, and out of the church. And if anyone asks I can tell them about my Jesus.

There I fixed it! I am busy, serving "behind the scenes" in the church. I have a new job (that I LOVE) and I am helping my family by bringing in money (added bonus!) as well as having time and place to impact people for Jesus. All better right? I even challenged myself to buy and read a new devotional every day. All AMAZING things. Yay Jesus I did it! I am not sitting on my couch anymore. I could end the story here. Having told you all how awesome I am, how I pay attention during the sermons and apply them to my life. But it took less than 3 weeks into all of this to remember something I was taught.

Being busy doesn't mean I am being faithful. Being in the scripture doesn't mean that I am letting the word attach and take root in my life. Having opportunities but not telling anyone about Christ doesn't make me a missionary.  My motives were in the right place. Everything looks like it is working out great. But I wasn't serving out of unconditional undeniable devotion that is given in return for the incomprehensible love of Christ. I was doing it because "it’s the right thing to do."

I hate exercise. Physically working out that is. But I have learned there is another brand of exercise that I can be taught.  And that is the exercise of obedience.  The definition of obedience is to submit to someone's rules or authority. But I think that it is more that that. I think that if I obeyed someone with my outer actions but I didn't follow through with my heart something would be lacking. Because that is simply obeying a Lord. Not worshiping a savor. And in order to follow Christ you can not have one without the other. I need to serve, but not because I have to or a should. I need to do it because I can not imagine my life without knowing about his love. And I don't want you to live yours without it either.  Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.

My calendar is filling up quickly. My days are busy and my stress level is significantly higher than it was. But guess what? MY JESUS LOVES YOU! And I am not going to wait another minute to tell you that. Because he died for you. He provided a temporary home for you in this body, but he built a whole kingdom for you and it is waiting, along with his love.

I don't want to stay in this body. You have to physically work out in the body. But with my Jesus, oh with my Jesus, life is so sweet, so beautiful, so….what are you waiting for? Are you serving with your heart in the right place? Or can I sit down with you and tell you about my Jesus. I promise I will make time in my calendar for you. As soon as possible. How does tonight sound?

How September 11th 2001 Changed My Life.

I imagine that adults who talked to me thought that I was a strange and funny little kid. After all how many 10 year olds do you know who would sit there and argue with you as to who should be president? Not to mention that I looked forward to the year 2024 because that would be the year I was old enough to run for president myself. I was very patriotic and passionate. However at the end of the day I had not much more than the average knowledge span of a 10 year old when it came to world news and politics.  I remember September 11th 2001 quite well. I remember the call and my Mom turning on the TV to watch the news of it happening. I remember my Dad coming in the front door asking if we had heard the news and putting aside work for a few hours to stay and watch transfixed to the news channels as we flipped back and forth between the coverage in a desperate hope for more news and understanding of what was happening. Mostly though I remember their shock, and my confusion. In my world politics was a fun table topic, and war, that was something I read about in my books , wishing I was living during the 1940 because that would be" so cool". As every other American   that day I was shocked that my home could be attacked. As I watched the images on TV that morning  I did not know what the world trade centers were, I had never heard of them nor did I understand the blow this would be to our economy or to our nation. I just knew that the news anchors had started talking about that this was war, and that my parents watched it all with tears in there eyes. I knew that as people jumped to their deaths to avoid burning in the buildings that everything I knew about my little world had changed. This was no movie, this was real.  As the towers fell and the people ran, I sat there overwhelmed and watched as the dust closed in as a heavy darkness descending over everything, I think something changed in me. This was America, and we were fighters.  I wasn't old enough to go out and fight or to help or even to know what to do to make a difference. But I knew that there was those who could go out and fight, and they became my heroes.  I recorded off the radio ever speech and song  that would remind me of what had happened and that would show me that we were fighting back. I believed in the words that we didn't start this war, but that we would be the ones to finish it.

I grew up during a war. When I was 10 I thought that meant bomb shelters, victory gardens, and metal drives. By the time I was 13, we were fighting against an enemy in two different countries, and in this new age of war it wasn't bombs but terror attracts that we had to worry about. As troops were sent to Afghanistan and Iraq I knew that it wasn’t what I had read about but we were at war.

My Dad always says that he knew from the first time that I told him that Chase was joining the United States Marine Corps that I would marry him. How could I not after hearing that. He had a point, to me that was true patriotism, and being a patriot was only second on my list after being a Christ follower.  Before we were dating and Chase told me he was joining I couldn't believe it. America's troops are my heroes, and the guy who liked me wanted to be one of them!

To me September 11th 2001 isn't in the past. It isn't something that did affect us. It still affects me to this day. I had a friend who challenged me to come up with what 9/11 means to me. The memorial line for 9/11 is "Never Forget". But to me that isn't an option. How could I forget, when that is what my husband is fighting for? Every morning when he kisses me goodbye for the day I have a reminder when I see him in his uniform. Every night I remember when I trip over his combat boots in the middle of our living room floor. We got married January 30th 2010, and Chase left March 13th, just weeks after for a deployment to Afghanistan.  The war was real to me then in the reminder that he was gone, and in the comfort of couples my grandparents age who hugged me after church and told me "we made it through a war or two", and that I could too.  9/11 stays with me in the after affects of 10 years later and my husband is preparing to head back over to the war zone again in a few months.

 When people ask me why I would let my husband join the Marines, I can't help but look at them funny. Why wouldn't he? We are at war. And I want to tell them that I couldn't be more proud of him for fighting for the freedom that they take for granted.

There is a country song that came out shortly after 9/11 by Darryle Worley called "Have You Forgotten?"  I think that this song sums it up pretty well for me. "Have you forgotten how it felt that day?" I haven't, and neither has my husband or the other men and women who fight to keep our freedom everyday. We didn't start this conflict, but we are going to finish it!

*Added September 11th, 2012.
I just had the joy this week of welcoming my husband home from his second tour of duty in Afghan land. I couldn't be more proud of him, or more happy to finally have him home after what will, hopefully, be his last deployment. I hear people who are fed up with the war. I hear them say that we shouldn't still be over there, because the people there will not ever except the freedom that we are trying to give them. I remember the night that we found out that American Navy Seals had killed Osama Bin Laden. The feeling of relief and joy that we finally got who we set out for after the 9/11 attacks. People say that we got him, so lives shouldn't be risked over there any more. Maybe that is true but I wont get in to that on here. All that I know is that as long as American troops are serving anywhere overseas, if I see the point to it or not, I will stand behind them because without them we wouldn't be free. So thank you to all who serve, and to those who gave the ultimate sacrifice. May we never forget the cost of our freedom! 

Me and Chase at his homecoming from Afghanistan in 2010

Here is one of my favorite 9/11 speaches:President Bush addressing a joint session of Congress, just nine days after the 9/11 attacks

Splashing in living water!

"If anyone believes in me, rivers of living water will flow out from that persons heart" John 7:38

It seams to me that if God wants you to do something or to find or remember something he will find a way for that to happen. You can try to avoid it but it will find its way again and again.

On a resent visit to WI I was challenged to find my middle name again. To find my joy, in all things. And to not let stress or worry bring me down. Then I was challenged recently to find a bit of that 'old Britney' the one that I was before I became a adult who thought the world wouldn't run if I didn't worry about it. To return to a little more of that child like faith. The one that doesn't wonder why or if but simply believes that he has a plan though everything.  And then in Church on Sunday my pastor challenged us all to be thankful and also read from 1st Thessalonians 5:16-18

"Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."

It seams that all I write about is remembering I am blessed, that God's plan is great and not to worry. Why is it that I need these constant reminders from God? Why do I need to hear "I love you" from my husband, my friends, or family, ALL THE TIME? How  quick I am to forget. What a silly silly girl I am. When I love you is said by the people who know me best and still want to spend time with me, it is meant. When the man who said "I do" makes I promise like that, he wont change his mind.  When God says he can give me eternal water and I will never thirst again why do I still struggle to draw my own water?

 "Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”  “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water? Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again,  but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” " John 4

In my quest to find what God keeps throwing at me I began to read my Max Lucado "Grace for the Moment" daily devotional. Each day God has been reminding me to let go and let God. Today's verse summed up what I have been needing to hear.

"If anyone believes in me, rivers of living water will flow out from that persons heart" John 7:38

Max writes, "Do you need regular sips from God's reservoir? I do. In countless situations-stressful meetings, dull days, long drives, demanding trips-and many times a day I step to the underground spring of God. ..Drink with me from his bottomless well. You don't have to live with a dehydrated heart. "

This has been an awesome week of blessings. So much so that I just had to share. I saw a post a few weeks ago that said something like 'What if you only had tomorrow what you thanked God for today?' 

And so here is just part of the list of blessings I am thanking God for this week:

• The ability to forgive a hurt that I had been harboring. And to admit that I was wrong to hold on to it. (How good it feels to let it go, literally I think that a weight lifted from my shoulders on that one!)
• Strength to let go and know that God has a plan.
• Lunch dates with two different amazing women that God brought into my life and encouraged me with this week.
• A husband who is my best friend.
• The song "It is well with my soul" "When peace like a river attendith my way, when sorrows like sea billows roar whatever my lot thou has taught me to say it is well with my soul. " What peace can be brought into my life from remembering that he has my soul in his hands and nothing can touch that.
• My family in WI who are always there to listen to my stories (or lack or stories and are still willing to talk about nothing just to make me feel included in their lives still.)
• A church that I believe that God hand picked for us to be in!
• A better knowledge of who I am and what I want and what I can do. Confidence is a beautiful thing. :)
• A great walk today to see one of the most beautiful sights of the ocean I could have imagined. How great is our God to create something like that.
• Getting to walk on beautiful green grass with my shoes off for a while today! (Midwest people don't laugh, that is hard to come by out here)
• A friend who I could share something with that has been on my heart for a long time. Thank You God for answering my prayers for someone to understand.
• The FREE Kindle App for my PC so I can get free books from Amazon. :) (Really if you haven't found this you should!)
• Mostly I am just thankful for God's many blessings on our home, our life, and our marriage. It has been a great week and it is only Wednesday!

So until I post again....remember to keep splashing in the living water! It is so refreshing!

Here In The Aftermath

Don’t you just love how God works? How he strings together different experience that would seem unconnected and in the end all of them wrap up together? I shared earlier this week a blog about the disease called perfection. (if you didn’t get to see it then look it up here-The disease called perfection ) I was humbled and struck by the way that this man truly hit on all sorts of issues that we all face daily and was reminded again that there is such freedom in not only being real with those around us but that we can come openly and freely to God with all of our lives. I was struck by that, but it didn’t hit home. I had the honor of attending a Hillsong United concert with my sister Liz last night. That is where I was brought to my knees with the realization of how much I had been withholding from God.  There is a new Hillsong United song that that is titled Aftermath. (It is the name of their new CD actually, you can hear the song here- Aftermath 

“The skies lay low where You are
On the earth You rest Your feet
Yet the hands that cradle the stars
Are the hands that bled for me
In a moment of glorious surrender
You were broken for all the world to see
Lifted out of the ashes
I am found in the aftermath”

The LORD, God, creator of the universe, was broken for me, now because of that, all of the struggles, pain, hurt, and worry that I had been carrying around can be gone, left behind because God has lifted me out of the ashes of this life and now I am found in the aftermath. The lead singer compared it to the destruction after the recent tornados in MO. When all that is around me may seem to be destroyed or simply edging on beyond repair, he is there to reach down and pick me up from the rubble. We do not have to live in the aftermath of this life because of his love in creating a way for us. It hurts when God confronts you. It is not easy to stand up and face him when he reminds you of all you have done and of how easily you dismissed his promises as being for someone else. And yet through being broken he speaks to me over and over again, reminding me of his love for me. Of his forgiveness that is given so freely despite how many times I show him through my actions that I want what this world offers more than his love for me. I had been hurt by others, yet instead of showing his love and grace, I showed my anger and pain to them instead. How can it be that I except his love and forgiveness for me and yet cannot extend it to others?

And so I offer this conclusion that I have reached. To those both in the past and present that I have held grudges against and have not forgiven, I am sorry.  To those who I have failed to love, know today the love that I hold for you and more so even the love the Jesus holds for you. I pray today that he might show me how to love how he loves so that my failures may in no way distract from his mercy and grace. May he find us all, here in the aftermath of not only the ruin of this world, but more so that we may find ourselves in the aftermath of his love.  For we do not find our self their alone, for there is hope in the aftermath that can only be found in him!

John 16:33 ”I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”